MANIFESTO

L I T T L E B E A R W O L F

T W E N T Y S I X T E E N

A P R I L

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Aloha - Ahoy

I looked out across the calm sea from the shore & as the sun twinkled over the world's ocean I felt the warmth of the day, as if for the first time in my life I'd awoken.

Feeling as though the air I breathed in was coursing through my veins, my body awakening every sense, until every part of me came alive.

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The near cloudless sky a perfect blue, the breeze through the trees sweeping out across the waters edge and into the world.

I knew my life was about to begin.

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I can't explain how I've been feeling of late, I don't remember when it began, somewhere circa leaving Worcester as a teen.

I'll never know if it will have been better if I stayed but I'm not going to waste time wondering.

I've learnt enough to know the grass isn't always greener and the hardships we endure help to shape who we will become in time.

 All I know is that I did leave, I think I was ready for that on some level but in a lot of ways I wasn't prepared, I was just a kid.

I left my hometown, my comforts, I lived without my family for a year & moving to be back with them made the most sense to me at the time.

That meant leaving everything I knew and had started to develop for myself.

I don't regret it, it's led to many adventures, to lots of opportunities & to being able to spend time with my family, because through everything we experienced over the ten years following, we stuck together.

Family is important, whether it's the family you're born into, the family you create for yourself of the family you find along the way.

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Despite this, life tests us still, she won't hesitate to kick us when we're down.

I'm learning she's urging me to fight back, she's not trying to keep me down, she's testing me because she knows I'm determined to do more, explore further. become the person I'm going to become.

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One day when you've been drowned at sea, suddenly you reach the surface, spluttering & struggling against the tide but hell you're alive.

That day for me is today.

I can't explain it, I didn't feel it when I went to bed, when I woke up it felt like any other usual day except I knew that I was different, something in me had woken up.

Ensuring that for the first time in I can't even explain, I feel like autopilot's been switched off.

As though I can acheive anything.

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I don't know what the future holds, I feel like every thoughts come rushing through in technicolor.

I feel as though I've been living someone else's life, as though I've been in a dreamworld.

Today I've woken up & I'm not exactly sure where the road is headed but I know I'm on it.

I stand but at a crossroads.

I can't see where either road leads, but I know the directions I now face, is the only one I'll walk down.

Because to not step onto the path would be the only thing worse than to at least take a leap.

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I feel like as Spring wakes up the Earth, as my birthday approaches I awake too.

It's true, I've felt lost, I've felt down, I've felt unsure & I let the demons take over.

Until I woke up and didn't recognize the girl staring back at me.

In 2013 I stepped onto a path that has at times become so foggy I've not been able to see & I've wandered from the path many times, but now I'm here today, the road is clear, the destination isn't but for now I'm okay with the journey that lies ahead.

Sometimes travelling the road is more important than reaching the place at the end of it.

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All I know is that today I am me. I've woken up. 

I've spent a long time feeling sad, down & broken by the world.

I've lost family, friends, dreams, I've lost my mind at times.

I was too scared to admit that I felt so anxious I may just spontaneously combust.

That I felt so sad I could have cried my heart out wherever I stood.

I'm not scared anymore.

I'm not going to let my past define me, I'm not going to let my present situation become my future.

Ultimately I'm not going to let anyone tell me what's possible in my future.

Because we're all made of cosmic stardust, a beautiful erratic miracle within the universe & I don't believe that anything is impossible.

I think we just have certain lessons to learn before we can wander towards the truth, so that when we find it, we don't take it for granted.

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I'll fight my demons while chasing my dreams.

I'm not worried if you think I'm a mess because I think I'm brave for leaping.

I didn't succumb to the pain, the shadows or the dark.

I chose to fight against the current & this morning I washed up on the shore.

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When I started my blog under this title it was in a different space, a different place but today I start that journey again.

Everything's different.

Nothing's the same & this time I'm not here to play by the rules.

There's a world out there, that I'll share here & I hope that you'll join me on the adventure.

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If you feel in pain, if you feel like you've hit a wall.

I'm telling you now, that you will heal, even if you can't see a door, you will learn to climb.

Life is hard, no one is going to give you everything you've ever wanted.

You will have to work for what you want, you'll have to fight to make the world a peaceful place.

You'll have to fight for the things you love, for the things that bring passion to your world.

When you do, you'll feel truly alive.

Happy ever after doesn't exist, because life goes on.

I'm choosing to live, to not just exist.

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I don't know the girl looking at me in the mirror today, but I want to.

I want her to experience life, because when I look at photos of times gone by, I can still see that hope twinkling in her eye.

I've always been on the edge of everything, a little eccentric, a little different to the girls my age, the girls in my class, the people in my house, the people I work with, work for.

I was never willing to accept things as they appeared to be.

I'm not willing to live the life I've been pretending to live.

The life I'm told I should want to live.

Because the truth is

it just doesn't feel like me.

I've been feeling immense amounts of pressure to become a person who's settled, who's got everything figured, with a plan, with a family, with a house.

Who has this perfectly scheduled routine of work, gym, social, personal life all measured in equal parts.

Except as much as I craved 'normal' from my wildchild mummabear as a kid; I am exactly her.

I'm kooky as hell & I want to stop pretending that I fit in with everything.

Life will take me high & low, while I might not always be ok, I know I will fight back.

I live in a world where anything & everything is possible.

I want to start sharing that beauty, living that life.

I'm have an adventurers heart, I crave knowledge.

I'm changeable & untameable.

I'm KG

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I'm just about done living to convention.

The only time I have is now.

I don't know about you, but I'm ready for the next adventure, the next chapter.

Keep a weather on eye on the horizon.

LOVE & PEACE

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- L I T T L E B E A R W O L F - Ⓒ KG - 2016 -